On Being the Person Everyone Comes To

You’re the one people call when they need to talk. The one who always knows what to say. The one who holds space for everyone, who remembers the details, who checks in, who shows up. People trust you with the heavy things. And a part of you is proud of that — because it means something to be that person for the people you love.

But there’s another part. The part that sometimes wonders: who do I call? Who holds space for me? Who checks in on the one who’s always checking in?

Being the strong one, the capable one, the one who has it together — it’s a role that often comes with a hidden cost. When you’re known for handling things, people stop asking if you’re okay. They assume. And over time, you might start assuming too — that you don’t need as much, that your feelings are less urgent, that asking for support would somehow be a burden or a betrayal of the version of you that everyone relies on.

But strength and need are not opposites. The most grounded, capable people still have moments of falling apart. Still need to be heard. Still deserve someone in their corner who isn’t there because they need something from you.

If this resonates, the question isn’t how to stop being the person people lean on — that’s a gift. The question is whether you’re allowing that same quality of care to flow back toward you. From others, yes. But first and most importantly, from yourself.

You can be strong and still be soft with yourself. Those two things were never meant to be mutually exclusive.

Sara Miriam Perlmutter is a holistic healer and author of Am I Broken? A Guide to Reclaiming Your Worth. She works 1:1 at saramiriamhealing.com.